Today's Top 5

I'm back at school with less time to troll the internet (good and bad--mostly good), but here are some gems from the past few days.

1. My roommates and I are trying to learn this secret Beyonce handshake (not so secret anymore, MUAHAHAHAHA) and make it look half as legit as she does.

So far we haven't been too successful. For more Beyonce gems, check out her Tumblr page!  

2. This new video of the Avett Brothers performing "Live and Die" is making me unbelievably excited for their new album, The Carpenter (released September 11, 2012). From the songs I've heard, I think it has the potential to be some of their best work so far. I just really love them.

Another future classic is "The Once and Future Carpenter":

Also there have been many, many mixed reviews on their appearance in this new Gap commercial:

It's bringing back the age-old "Are you a sell-out, or are you paying for your kids' tuitions?" debate. What do you think?

3. This list of "53 'Arrested Development' Jokes You Probably Missed" makes me wish I had time to watch it all over again. And again. And again. 

My favorites are #4, #9, #32, and #34, but they're all so excellent. And I can't believe I never noticed #49 before!

4. I recently cut my hair a la Margot Tenenbaum,

which I feel mostly great about, but it's quite limiting in the hair style department. Will someone try some of these hair tutorials from Joanna Goddard's blog for me? I love them.

5. Also, I can't look at that scene from the film without hearing this song as recorded by Nico:

which is one of my all-time favorites. Nico herself is also a recent favorite. Her life was so tragic and fascinating. I'm looking for a good biography about her to read after I finish this one about Bob Dylan. Any suggestions?

Happy Wednesday!

Things That Could Make Me Watch Franklin and Bash

To confirm the show Franklin and Bash is as bad as it looks, I just read its Wikipedia page. The first paragraph of the entry includes the phrases

• "unconventional lawyers"
• "The series stars Breckin Meyer and Mark-Paul Gosselaar"
• "'funny legal procedural'"
• "Ally McBeal With Balls"

so I will definitely never watch it…unless the writers adopt one of these ideas:

The show still stars two "unconventional lawyers" named Franklin and Bash, but Franklin is Franklin the Turtle. Possible episode plot: Franklin's friend Snail is delivering the mail, and he can't get the evidence to Franklin in time for an important trial. 

The show still stars two "unconventional lawyers" named Franklin and Bash, but Franklin is Benjamin Franklin. Possible episode plot: A Franklin and Bash case makes it to the Supreme Court. Before the SCOTUS rules something unconstitutional, Benjamin Franklin passionately pleas and cites the fact that his Plan of Union was referenced to write the Constitution. Also there could be a running gimmick about B-Frank thinking powdered wigs are cool, a la the Huxtables' sci-fi author neighbor's love for his toupee in that one episode where he also drove to New Jersey with Theo to buy a lobster. (I think that's the plot. I've already done too much F&B research tonight to cross-reference anything else.)

The show still stars two "unconventional lawyers" named Franklin and Bash, but Franklin is Franklin Delano Bluth, GOB's racist puppet from Arrested Development. Possible episode plot: Everyone called to jury duty is familiar with Franklin's hit song "It Ain't Easy Being White or Brown," so a trial keeps being delayed.

Details and subplots still need to be fleshed out, but these episode ideas have to beat those of seasons one and two. And you can do that work, TNT. I've helped you enough already. Because you may know drama, but I know WAY better Franklins.

Lollapaloozing*

On this one-week anniversary of the first day of Lollapalooza 2012, I am finally ready to talk about it. Here's a bit of what happened.

Heading downtown
The artsiest kid I know liked this picture on Facebook, so I'll probably frame it.

Early Friday in the park 

I saw these bands on Friday:

First Aid Kit

The Growlers

Yellow Ostrich

Dr. Dog

Metric

The Head & the Heart

The Shins

The Black Keys

The Head & the Heart

The Black Keys during Everlasting Light

To sum it up I was so completely blissed out after Day One that the next morning, I was sitting on the sidewalk before breakfast with a mutilated bloody toe and broken bag zipper when someone told me my fly was down, and I felt absolutely zero shame. Then things escalated.

I saw these bands on Saturday:

Delta Spirit

The Tallest Man on Earth

Franz Ferdinand

Bloc Party

Avicii

The Tallest Man on Earth

This guy shortly before being kicked out.

Franz Fredinand was excellent, but the pole climber stole the show.

The afternoon was broken up by a storm (hence the shorter list) but the during-storm time was one of the best parts of the weekend. I was reunited with one of my college roommates,

SO MUCH JOY SO LITTLE POSTURE

and the Tallest Man on Earth tweeted at me. 

Even though this tweet was 100% factual, I know it came from the heart.

I 'm sure he liked my response:

Ode to Lolla Bliss

alas, no shout-out at the show. He was still perfect.

As we left, my male friends got in a fist fight under a bridge defending my friend and me (we're ladiez). Basically some drunk kids started a verbal fight, things escalated, then my malefriend lunged out of nowhere and grabbed a kid by the shirt before he could hit my ladyfriend in the middle of a busy intersection while our other malefriend (my ladyfriend's boyfriend) held off two other guys. It was just like the one fight I saw when I accidentally watched Twilight + (terror) - (CGI) - (werewolves) - (infidelity--looking at you, Kristen Stewart).

THEN we were near our hotel when a drunk lady (Chicago pulled a total Milwaukee this weekend) let two dogs out a door of her building. They took off down the street, and it was a cute Lady and the Tramp moment until we realized that they were about to run into oncoming traffic. We caught them and returned them to their owner, who was not that grateful. I will chalk it up to my mud-covered body and Jenna Maroney-esque expectations. (No parade?!)

On Sunday we saw:

Bombay Bicycle Club

Trampled by Turtles

Sigur Ros

Of Monsters and Men

Florence + The Machine

Bombay Bicycle Club--check out that storm damage

Trampled by Turtles

My view for 90% of Sigur Ros because it's hard to look at things that beautiful directly.

JONSI

Sigur Ros was INCREDIBLE. Everyone was amazing (especially The Head and the Heart, Black Keys, Tallest Man, and Florence), but Sigur Ros was by far the best. It was actually my favorite performance I have ever seen in the history of my life. I've never heard a group live before that was so much better live than recorded. Usually if someone's great live, I think, "Wow, they sound exactly how I hoped they would!" (i.e. Ingrid Michaelson). But Sigur Ros (specifically, Jonsi's voice) is SO MUCH BETTER live than recorded. It sounded like what a whale call must sound like underwater in the best way possible. I realize that doesn't sound too tempting, but trust me. It made me understand why echolocation works. It was a sound so beautiful I just wanted to be as close to it as possible. From the minute they opened with Svefn-g-englar, no one wanted to move. And no one could speak intelligently for so long after it. If you get the chance to see them, DO IT. It's been four years since the last time they were in North America, so it could be a while until you get another chance.

Also my roommate overheard someone ask if it was Sigur Ros or Sugar Ray, which is the second most amazing thing I heard that day.

This was only a tiny snippet of the weekend, but it was ridiculous. In a nutshell, go to Lolla if you get a chance, see Jonsi if you get a chance, don't let the fact you like Elizabeth Olsen misguide you to watch Martha Marcy May Marlene (another story for another time).

*I resisted the urge to make that "Lollapalosing" for YOU. But it will show up in a future "Opportunities Carrie Bradshaw Missed" post. I promise.